Christ in me

I'm feeling things inside that I've never dared feel before. God has been shaping me into this woman He created, giving me passion and conviction in ways and in areas I've never felt before. He's leading me in directions to places I'd have never thought to travel towards and ways I'd never go to get there if it were up to me.

I WANNA BE LIKE MY JESUS! I have never before so strongly felt the importance of doing more than just living a life that was to "not be sinful" as I was brought up believing that that was the way to be a Christian... trying to be perfect. Don't steal, don't lie, don't lust, don't don't don't. To really look at what we're told, to break down what God says to us... what it really says is do do do. Do feed the hungry, do clothe the naked, to care for the broken, do care for the poor. God doesn't ask us to sit idly by and watch the world, His creation, crumble and not do a damn thing about it. He calls us to take action, to fight for Him, to care for the world He has made. God is moving in me in RADICAL WAYS and I can barely grasp tomorrow. This isn't the life I'd have chosen, but it is more amazing than anything I would have ever picked. Growing up in America, the things that are ingrained in us as important, really are the things that matter the least. Even now, sitting here, I am so broken inside and my heart is aching for the things I know I need to be doing, the things He has called me to do, that He has called you to do. I can't sit here and just say that I think these things are important. I signed up to volunteer at a homeless shelter today. I am scared, but anxious to see what God is doing there. I will definitely be blogging on it (hopefully I can be more consistent in my blogging :) and all that I get to watch God do. Pray for these people and pray for me for all that I am going through and what God is doing in me. I am putting song lyrics on this blog that have really been hitting me hard today.... pray they keep hitting me, so much that I have to let God use me, that I have to step aside and give my life up for Him, because that is what I truly desire.


In His Hands,

Mel Spears



Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
or fall down and worship at His holy feet
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd

And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus

You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?I want to be like my Jesus


If you want to listen to this, it's my myspace song... It's called My Jesus and it's by Todd Agnew

You know that you are not alone

I was having a very rough night. It was like everything that has been going on inside and outside of my life had finally caught up with me and I felt like I was having an emotional breakdown, which came to it's breaking point when I got into a huge fight with my mom. God made Himself known to me so clearly that I just had to write it here. I cried out to Him, harder than I possibly ever had in my life. I needed to feel like everything was going to be okay. Things just seemed like they were piling up on top of my chest and that I couldn't breathe. I've felt that way for a little while now, but tonight it all caught up to me.... It felt like there was no where to go, nothing that would fix everything that was wrong and I just knew I couldn't handle it. I begged for God's peace and His comfort. I felt so alone and like there wasn't a person I could talk to in the world. I knew no one's words would make me feel any better. And I didn't know what to do. All I could do was cry out in a whisper through all of the pain that I was feeling. And all of a sudden, His answer came upon me like a sudden rain.

"I will provide everything that you need and take from you everything that you don't. Trust me."

Wow. I have literally never felt such peace. It didn't make all the problems go away, it just gave me a different perspective. God will take care of everything. I really trust Him. I just really feel an overwhelming sense of peace. God has really taken care of me in the past and I just tend to block that out when I'm going through something new or a lot of things at once. But I am His daughter and He loves me very much. I know that everything is going to happen according to God's ultimate plan and I think that I've finally grasped that and it's a beautiful thing. :)


Mel

A quick update...

Sorry for all those people who actually read my blog who think I fell off the face of the earth... I'm around, just super busy ALL THE TIME!!! No excuses yesterday though, I just sat around, but it was nice. Please pray for my dad. He found out this week that he is blind in one eye, he has to have surgery and he might lose his job and his licence. He's super depressed and it's so sad. I started classes this past week. It's really a lot more work than I anticipated it to be, but it's still so awesome. I have missed this. New Ideas, new people, professors who know so much. It's awesome. I love dorm life... I like dorm food less, but you gotta give some to get some right? :) I miss my friends and family from home. But I've met tons of people here. My roommate is just amazing. For my birthday (which was Thursday), she decorated our dorm with purple balloons and streamers and got me purple fuzzy socks and made me one of her homemade pillows (it was purple too) and then Jessica came over yesterday and brought me more purple balloons and a Royal Purple (that's my favorite shade of it) cake that she ordered that said "Happy Birthday Mel" on it. She is litterally one of my favorite people in the world. She's an awesome friend and I'm so glad that I met her. I just wanted to get a quick update down bc I haven't updated in FOREVER and now I'm off to MARS HILL :). Write more later!




Mel

Just a short one

I just wanted to say that I saw my very first shooting star last night. It was amazing. It made me think. I guess things that are in our lives for just a moment have that effect on us, however long the moment. But when you sit and look at all those other stars, it just amazes you. The sky here is so clear. Lights aren't everywhere and you can see so many in the sky. I really love it here.


Ps... I know I forgot to say it in my last post, but I saw Brian McLaren speak last sunday night.... it was awesome. It definately made me do some thinking. I love God.

Also... a quote from Titanic... I know it seems random, but it's not...
"nothing to do but wait... wait to die... wait to live... wait for an absolution... that would never come."
Waiting seems to be the prominate thing in my life. Guess it's helping me to build patience....

Also... A shout out to my cousin Heather who turned 21 today and my best friend Mel who turned 20... I love you guys and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Just the begining...

Once upon a time, in a place far away, a banana fell in love with a beautiful berry princess. Being young and hot for one another, the two got married and soon started having little bananaberry babies. We recently stumbled upon these delicious little fruits and decided that the time was right to create a delicious little drink in homage to the "fruits of their labors." Found, by Kat, on the side of a jones soda bottle at Jumpin Java. Just thought that was a great way to start this post, for no real reason other than it made us laugh

Well I guess one thing I've been wanting to write about it my new found "Patriotism". With taking this American History class, things seem so different to me then they had before. I am prouder to be an American than I ever have been in my life. It's new for me and I absolutely love it!

WOO-HOO! I just found out some amazing news!!! They just called me... I found out that I don't have to worry about the Sallie Mae loan that I have out because they are taking care of it!!! Woo-hoo! It's going into forbearance, which basically means that there will be a couple of dollars of interest for these last few months, but then when I start school in the fall, it goes into deferment and I don't pay it until I graduate in 4 years, and no interest will be collecting. It was past due and it looked bad on my credit (they clear that up as soon as it goes into forbearance) and I did not have the money to pay for it. God is so awesome. When you trust Him to take care of things, He really comes through. I'm just in awe.

I have some new found friends that are just simply awesome. Jess, Manda, Jeremy, and all the rest. Everyone seems to be so great. My Kitty is visiting me. I love having her here. She's simply one of the most awesome girls I know. And clearly one of the best friends I've ever had.

I have been doing a lot of learning and growing. It's so amazing to have things finally start to click... here is a list of books that have helped to revolutionize my relationship with Christ... you should pick up a few and check them out.... Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren, The Story We Find Ourselves In by Brian McLaren, The Last Word, and the Word After That by Brian McLaren, The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren (which I've only read half of and plan to reread after I finish Velvet Elvis), Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell (which I'm only about a third of the way through, but has already started so much churning in my mind). Books that are still on my reading list... A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren, Aqua Church by Lenard Sweet, and The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. These books have sparked many new thoughts and ideas, fresh new ways of looking at and approaching things (Esspecially the Bible and the teachings of Jesus), many wonderful conversations, and most importantly many talks with God, where He has changed me, shown me parts of myself I hadn't seen before, revealed to me a way to be what I say I am, new desires and feelings, and just completely renewed my heart in the desire I have to FOLLOW IN THE WAYS OF JESUS CHRIST. I'm amazed and awe-struck by God.


I hope that all of you that are reading this take time to really examine what it is you believe and why you do. I know at the very begining of this journey, it seemed as though in the words of McLaren "I was losing my faith", it was just because I was questioning the things I was brought up believing were the truth. Even though this is still just the begining, I feel so radically different. I will continue to post on here some of the dramatic ideas I've been bouncing around with, somethings are just between me, God and some close friends. Pray for me. I appreciate it.


In Love,

Meliss

The Story We Find Ourselves In

So I got home last night and could barely put the book down. I ended up staying up until 2:30 in the morning and finishing it. I got up this morning at 10:30 and started the next book in the series "The Story We Find Ourselves In"... here are a few things that I've pulled out so far...

It's none of your business who does and does not go to hell. It is your business to be warned by it and to run, not walk, in the opposite direction! It's your business to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, to love your neighbor as yourself, to have confidence in Jesus Christ and live as Jesus lived. Let the imagery of hell remind you that life is serious business, that there are real conciquences to how we live and believe and that justice and injustice ultimtely matter more than most of what people worrry about. Now stop speculating about hell and start living for Heaven.

God doesn't want to be the only reality in our lives, the only relationship in our network, the only message on our screen.

I think the story tells us that the Creator wants man and woman to find each other, as a lost part of themselves. And so in the story we have the man and the woman, naked, together, both innocent and passionate, not ashamed to see or be seen, to know and be known, to need and to be needed, to want and to enjoy another being, given by The Being.

It's as if God is the Master Artist and the world is a studio and God creates us in it to be young apprentices, God's students, learning to create too. God created us to be creators (birth, ideas, ext.).


These are just some of the things I've written in my journal to ponder. I am amazed by seeing how much God is changing so much about me. It's such an awesome feeling. Thanks Mama Kathy for listening to me ramble for so long about this. And thanks for your prayers. I love you a ton!

For the rest of you who are reading this, please keep me in your prayers because I have so much going on right now with school and work and living arangements.... so much will be changing and so much is changing in me. I am happy that things are going the way they are and I am trusting in God to lead the way. Please do the same for me :)....


Love,

Spearmint

A New Kind of Christian

Here are some things I've been reading in A New Kind of Christian and they really are some revolutionary thoughts:

If there is a real, living, active, relevant desire of God and wisdom from God that needs to be brought to bear on our concrete life situation, then both sides (modern and postmodern) better move to the edge of their seats, start praying, start listening to each other and start reading the Bible in fresh new ways for all the wisdom they can mine from it.

The Bible is a family story, telling us what it means to be Children of God. It helps us to know who we are, why we're here, and where we're going.

And you enter Heaven... Heaven is a place of intense brightness, a place fragrant with goodness, a place alive with love. The presance of God seems to pervade everyone and everything, like a light that doesn't shine onto things, but rather shines out of everything, everywhere. In this place, people are humble and genuinely interested in others. They are eager to serve one another and they love to laugh and dance and be free as children. There are no inhabitions. There is nothing to hide. It is a place of true freedom, trust and intimacy. And even though it is a place of great diversity, with people of all cutlures and languages and times retaining their own uniqueness, it is a place where no one argues, no one fights, no one hates, and no one complains-- not because thy aren't allowed to, but because they don't want to, because they accept and love one another completely. They are fully alive.


This book is really helping to rejuvinate my relationship with Christ (I recommend it to everyone who loves to read and would love to discuss it with you if you do read it). Along with everything else He is doing with me right now, this is just one thing that is really awesome.


Please pray for me. I was rejected for my school loan today and so I don't really know where that leaves me... well I'm off to class... write more sometime soon!!!!