Hey Blog Family,
It's been a little over two months since my last blog. I've been so stinkin' busy I haven't really had much time to sit down and write, and since I'm sitting here chilaxin' (lol) I figured I'd do it now. I've been working about 50 hours a week and today is my first real day off in about a month. I'm also going to school full time right now, which is a little more than hectic, but I love it. I'm going to be starting a theology class with some people from The Journey soon too. I'm pretty excited about it. Pastor Ryan's going to be 'facilitating' it and he's pretty much one of the coolest people ever. I'm also really excited that the youth mentorship program in Taylor is going to be starting up soon. That'll be on Thursdays and it's gonna be really awesome. We have Bible Studies at Starbux on Thursday nights at 7pm. Those are some amazing times with some great people. So anyway for my first weekend off I decided to get away from the downriver and I'm out here at CU visiting my friends in Grand Rapids. It's weird to be sitting in my old dorm, with Rach and Sarah (who actually aren't here right now), realizing how much I miss it here. Honestly I sit sometimes and wonder if I made the right decision. Well I'm swamped with homework (Ha! Some day of relaxing huh?) and if me and my ladies are going anywhere tonight I gotta get that done and shower, so I'm gonna get off of this computer and "get-r-done" (probably funnier for those of us who were a part of that conversation last night)..... later guys!!!
Melissa
(P.S.) I ask for all those who read my blog to pray for me. I am going through some stuff right now and I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it, not even my closest friends. I feel really disconnected to everyone and I don't even feel able to open up my heart to them about the stuff that has been going on. So all I ask is that you pray for me if you could. Thanks, I appreciate it.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Monday, December 18, 2006
Life, Love and all that junk
So I have about a million thoughts running around in my head. Everything seems to always come at you at once. My head is spinning, it starts with God and hits about every single topic that you could think of ending with general life stuff. I have so many questions. Is that the stage you're supposed to be at at my age? Why is it then, that I look around and see so many others who seem so much like they have everything together. I feel like such a slacker, in pretty much every part of my life. I guess the question at hand is "where do I go from here?" I mean really, am I headed where I'm supposed to be? Am I even headed any where at all? And if I am can some one please tell me where that is? I don't know. I want to say that I know what it is I want out of life, but am I really striving for that? Am I really who God is calling me to be, not for the future, but for now? Is this what I am supposed to be doing? It seems like I have failed at everything. I guess though, that that is God's biggest miracle. He can take a screw up like me and use me anyway.
Oddly enough, I was pondering the thought of love on the way home tonight. No, I'm not in love with a boy or anything like that, but the thought of love in general. It actually started by me dropping the f-bomb for some reason or another (yes, I talk to myself alone in the car). Anyway, that actually got me thinking of my cousin Josh who passed away a few years ago. He was in his early 20's and he and his uncle, who was a year older (I come from the south, our families are oddly structured) were driving home while stoned out of their minds. His uncle was driving and they came around the curve of a mountian and hit another car. His uncle lived, but Josh, after being on life support for a little less then a week died. When I went to his funeral, a group of Christians were talking about how he must have went to hell because the last word out of his mouth was the f-bomb. Okay now that you see why all of that reminded me of Josh, let me get to what I was thinking about love for. Okay, I know that Josh wasn't a Christian, not because of the f-bomb of course, but because of who he was. I didn't know him well, but what I did know of him was that he never claimed to live for Christ and that was his decision. So, Josh didn't go to Heaven to be with Christ. His mom, still to this day believes he had to have. Because she loved him. Human love is really selfish when you sit and think about it (as I have been doing for the last hour or so). Even in the "Christian context". We want those we love to go to heaven so we can see them again someday. But is that what we should really be about? Just "getting souls saved" so that one day we be with them again. This is a really hard thing to grasp for me though.
The closest person in the world to me is my cousin Heather. I love her so much and we are closer than sisters could ever be. She is not a Christian. But what has gotten into my head tonight is that my heart cannot break because when we die we may never see each other again, but that it must break my heart that she is not playing her role in God's story. I want so desperatly for us to be with each other forever, but what I need to be doing is living out who God has for me to be, so that she will see that and not just want to go to heaven, but want to have a relationship with this amazing God that has a desire to change me into who it is He has made me to be. But I'll tell you, it's still the hardest thing to swallow.
"What is revealed in me, if I think about that too much, is my own idolatry, that I would say, “I love her over Your will and over Your plan and over Your glory.”" -Matt Chandler
Oddly enough, I was pondering the thought of love on the way home tonight. No, I'm not in love with a boy or anything like that, but the thought of love in general. It actually started by me dropping the f-bomb for some reason or another (yes, I talk to myself alone in the car). Anyway, that actually got me thinking of my cousin Josh who passed away a few years ago. He was in his early 20's and he and his uncle, who was a year older (I come from the south, our families are oddly structured) were driving home while stoned out of their minds. His uncle was driving and they came around the curve of a mountian and hit another car. His uncle lived, but Josh, after being on life support for a little less then a week died. When I went to his funeral, a group of Christians were talking about how he must have went to hell because the last word out of his mouth was the f-bomb. Okay now that you see why all of that reminded me of Josh, let me get to what I was thinking about love for. Okay, I know that Josh wasn't a Christian, not because of the f-bomb of course, but because of who he was. I didn't know him well, but what I did know of him was that he never claimed to live for Christ and that was his decision. So, Josh didn't go to Heaven to be with Christ. His mom, still to this day believes he had to have. Because she loved him. Human love is really selfish when you sit and think about it (as I have been doing for the last hour or so). Even in the "Christian context". We want those we love to go to heaven so we can see them again someday. But is that what we should really be about? Just "getting souls saved" so that one day we be with them again. This is a really hard thing to grasp for me though.
The closest person in the world to me is my cousin Heather. I love her so much and we are closer than sisters could ever be. She is not a Christian. But what has gotten into my head tonight is that my heart cannot break because when we die we may never see each other again, but that it must break my heart that she is not playing her role in God's story. I want so desperatly for us to be with each other forever, but what I need to be doing is living out who God has for me to be, so that she will see that and not just want to go to heaven, but want to have a relationship with this amazing God that has a desire to change me into who it is He has made me to be. But I'll tell you, it's still the hardest thing to swallow.
"What is revealed in me, if I think about that too much, is my own idolatry, that I would say, “I love her over Your will and over Your plan and over Your glory.”" -Matt Chandler
Monday, December 4, 2006
Essays about the Scriptures....
Okay, I'm gonna post the two essays I wrote for my Christian Worldview class. I wrote the first one at the beginning of the semester and the second I just finished. Tell me what ya think.... and I guess they're kinda long so if you don't want to read through em that's okay to.... I happen to be a little partial to the second one :) Of course that may be because it reflects my opinions and heart, but you know, hey.... :)
Christ commands us to love. He tells us to love Him, one another, and ourselves. He instructs us to forgive, accept, trust, and to live that love out every day. The story of my life is just me, trying to follow His command to love. I look at these words that are my history as an adopted Jew, and they show me where it is that I come from. They help me to learn from others mistakes. These words show me what love means and the Bible gives me hope that a love like that does exist. It shows me that people have lived it out and still do. There are scriptures that have greatly influenced my life as well.
Jeremiah 29:11 tells us not to fear and that God has a plan for our lives. I used to suffer from depression. The first time I read this verse, it really helped me to put my life into perspective. I had a hard time realizing that God really was going to use me for something. After reading this, something inside of me just clicked and it made sense. God spoke to me with this and it made me look at my life in a whole new way. When going through hard times, I have sometimes doubted that I will ever do anything with my life and I think back to this verse and it just revives my heart and makes me realize that I was created for a purpose and that I have a role in God’s story.
Jeremiah 31:3 has also been a very influential scripture in my life. In addition to depression, I, like many girls growing up in today’s society, suffer from low self-esteem. This verse is God telling me of His love for me. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” This verse really explains that God loves me, and it helps me to see that the world’s standard ultimately doesn’t really mean much. God cares so much for me and He doesn’t see me the way that the world does. When I realize that God really cares about who I am and loves me for all that He has created me to be, I can look at myself and accept me for who am I in Christ.
Romans 8:28 is another verse that has touched my heart. It goes with Jeremiah 29:11, saying that God has a purpose for my life. It helps me to know that God is with me. This scripture helps me to know that know matter what happens in my life, things will turn out good in the end because God is working to fulfill His purpose and not just to make me happy.
I think that the Sermon on the Mount is also very influential in my walk with life as well. These things that are said by Jesus are very different from things that the media tells us are true. This section of Jesus’ teaching is one of the most influential parts of why I want to be a missionary. I don’t believe that when Jesus says to feed the poor he means that figuratively. I believe He wants us to go out into society and get our hands dirty. I believe He wants us to sacrifice, not just our money, but our time and our comfort. These words compel me into action. I cannot just sit idly by and watch children starve and go without a home and without love. I feel that I must work my hardest to see that things like that are stopped. I know that Christ can stop them, but His people must stand united against such things, not just with their mouths, but with their lives.
Christ came to earth as a man to live a life, start a revolution, and redeem and restore a Creation through his death and resurrection. His story has forever impacted and altered the course of my story, because now my story is no longer my own. Now that my life is centered on who He is and the plan that He has for all of us, reading His words I can no longer look at the Bible as a rule book. Christ has laid out the best possible way for us to live and for His plan to be fulfilled. We are not called to be moral people, we are called to be spirit-filled and like this Christ whom is our Messiah.
I think that being shown where it is I come from and what it is Christ wants with my life through the scriptures is what really enlightens the way my story is played out. God’s plan and the fact that I have a role in that really has an influence on the day to day decisions that I make. I have grown so much this semester and one of the most important lessons that I have learned is that the story is not at all about us. When I stepped back and took my eyes off of the mirror and looked at God’s big picture, I saw this story of Divine Redemption. I no longer saw a “Christ that died on the cross to get me out of hell”, I saw a Messiah who died to restore the Creation that He had made back to where it was originally intended to be.
My role in that, as I have started realizing over the last few months, is really very important. Christ chose us, giving us a mission. We are to be a part in that restoration process. There are so many things that, as a Christian, I must be doing. He calls us to live our lives differently than those around us. Not to just sit and say, yeah Christ is great, but to get off our butts and do things like clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and care for the environment. Really digging in the scriptures has changed and shaped me into someone new, someone who is full of a purpose not her own.
We are also being restored in our relationships. There were four distinct types of relationships that were discussed this semester. The first was our relationship with God. I have to say that I think its pretty cool that I can come into His presence any time I want without a middle man. He has given me a new heart, one like His. Even though I continually sin and try to put barriers between us, He forgives me and washes them away. The second relationship was my relationship with me. I have struggled all of my life with low self-esteem and depression. Though it is still a struggle for me, Christ gives me a hope and reassurance that there is something greater, something that I am destined for. The ‘esteem’ that the world tells us to have means nothing because we can now find who we are in Christ. We can be sure that we are wonderful, not just because of who Christ made us to be, but that we have an irreplaceable role in His story that He designed for us. Christ also restores the relationships that we have or can have with others. Marriages and friendships can now build us up in Christ and with His direction, things between people can be restored to its original intention. The final relationship is Christ restoring us to the world we live in, and if we do our part as He has called us to, Christ will restore the Earth through us.
The way I live my life and the choices that I make seem so much more weighted in light of all of that. We as Christians must cling fast to the truth of the gospel, and live in a way that is not about who we are, but in a way that shows who Christ is.
Christ commands us to love. He tells us to love Him, one another, and ourselves. He instructs us to forgive, accept, trust, and to live that love out every day. The story of my life is just me, trying to follow His command to love. I look at these words that are my history as an adopted Jew, and they show me where it is that I come from. They help me to learn from others mistakes. These words show me what love means and the Bible gives me hope that a love like that does exist. It shows me that people have lived it out and still do. There are scriptures that have greatly influenced my life as well.
Jeremiah 29:11 tells us not to fear and that God has a plan for our lives. I used to suffer from depression. The first time I read this verse, it really helped me to put my life into perspective. I had a hard time realizing that God really was going to use me for something. After reading this, something inside of me just clicked and it made sense. God spoke to me with this and it made me look at my life in a whole new way. When going through hard times, I have sometimes doubted that I will ever do anything with my life and I think back to this verse and it just revives my heart and makes me realize that I was created for a purpose and that I have a role in God’s story.
Jeremiah 31:3 has also been a very influential scripture in my life. In addition to depression, I, like many girls growing up in today’s society, suffer from low self-esteem. This verse is God telling me of His love for me. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” This verse really explains that God loves me, and it helps me to see that the world’s standard ultimately doesn’t really mean much. God cares so much for me and He doesn’t see me the way that the world does. When I realize that God really cares about who I am and loves me for all that He has created me to be, I can look at myself and accept me for who am I in Christ.
Romans 8:28 is another verse that has touched my heart. It goes with Jeremiah 29:11, saying that God has a purpose for my life. It helps me to know that God is with me. This scripture helps me to know that know matter what happens in my life, things will turn out good in the end because God is working to fulfill His purpose and not just to make me happy.
I think that the Sermon on the Mount is also very influential in my walk with life as well. These things that are said by Jesus are very different from things that the media tells us are true. This section of Jesus’ teaching is one of the most influential parts of why I want to be a missionary. I don’t believe that when Jesus says to feed the poor he means that figuratively. I believe He wants us to go out into society and get our hands dirty. I believe He wants us to sacrifice, not just our money, but our time and our comfort. These words compel me into action. I cannot just sit idly by and watch children starve and go without a home and without love. I feel that I must work my hardest to see that things like that are stopped. I know that Christ can stop them, but His people must stand united against such things, not just with their mouths, but with their lives.
Christ came to earth as a man to live a life, start a revolution, and redeem and restore a Creation through his death and resurrection. His story has forever impacted and altered the course of my story, because now my story is no longer my own. Now that my life is centered on who He is and the plan that He has for all of us, reading His words I can no longer look at the Bible as a rule book. Christ has laid out the best possible way for us to live and for His plan to be fulfilled. We are not called to be moral people, we are called to be spirit-filled and like this Christ whom is our Messiah.
I think that being shown where it is I come from and what it is Christ wants with my life through the scriptures is what really enlightens the way my story is played out. God’s plan and the fact that I have a role in that really has an influence on the day to day decisions that I make. I have grown so much this semester and one of the most important lessons that I have learned is that the story is not at all about us. When I stepped back and took my eyes off of the mirror and looked at God’s big picture, I saw this story of Divine Redemption. I no longer saw a “Christ that died on the cross to get me out of hell”, I saw a Messiah who died to restore the Creation that He had made back to where it was originally intended to be.
My role in that, as I have started realizing over the last few months, is really very important. Christ chose us, giving us a mission. We are to be a part in that restoration process. There are so many things that, as a Christian, I must be doing. He calls us to live our lives differently than those around us. Not to just sit and say, yeah Christ is great, but to get off our butts and do things like clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and care for the environment. Really digging in the scriptures has changed and shaped me into someone new, someone who is full of a purpose not her own.
We are also being restored in our relationships. There were four distinct types of relationships that were discussed this semester. The first was our relationship with God. I have to say that I think its pretty cool that I can come into His presence any time I want without a middle man. He has given me a new heart, one like His. Even though I continually sin and try to put barriers between us, He forgives me and washes them away. The second relationship was my relationship with me. I have struggled all of my life with low self-esteem and depression. Though it is still a struggle for me, Christ gives me a hope and reassurance that there is something greater, something that I am destined for. The ‘esteem’ that the world tells us to have means nothing because we can now find who we are in Christ. We can be sure that we are wonderful, not just because of who Christ made us to be, but that we have an irreplaceable role in His story that He designed for us. Christ also restores the relationships that we have or can have with others. Marriages and friendships can now build us up in Christ and with His direction, things between people can be restored to its original intention. The final relationship is Christ restoring us to the world we live in, and if we do our part as He has called us to, Christ will restore the Earth through us.
The way I live my life and the choices that I make seem so much more weighted in light of all of that. We as Christians must cling fast to the truth of the gospel, and live in a way that is not about who we are, but in a way that shows who Christ is.
Saturday, December 2, 2006
Talkin to Aaron Edwards
So last night I was talking to Aaron, it started as a response to a question I posed in my last blog about free will. Here are a few highlights and things that were talked about that really made me laugh during the conversation in between all of the picking on me for liking Brian McLaren....
But first, the serious recap that actually had to do with the question in my last blog: Aaron believes that Adam and Eve chose to sin, and it wasn't God making them do it. Though I hear Dave Todd has a very different opinion.
And now....
God didn't ordain Aaron to be playing with crumbs.
Aaron's picture can be found next to the word tangent in the dictionary.
We need to buy a Thesaurus to figure out new words for things like Christian and Relevant.
And some funny quotes....
"Does the F-bomb offend you? Because I'm gonna use it."
"Is she the Armenian? Because I can smell 'em, ya know?!"
"Dave Todd is really smart." (-me) "Yeah that's why I said he's got the mind of a philosopher hidden in the body of a bear." (-Aaron) (or just a big scary man (-me)).....
Aaron Edwards is pretty funny, I'm not gonna lie.
But first, the serious recap that actually had to do with the question in my last blog: Aaron believes that Adam and Eve chose to sin, and it wasn't God making them do it. Though I hear Dave Todd has a very different opinion.
And now....
God didn't ordain Aaron to be playing with crumbs.
Aaron's picture can be found next to the word tangent in the dictionary.
We need to buy a Thesaurus to figure out new words for things like Christian and Relevant.
And some funny quotes....
"Does the F-bomb offend you? Because I'm gonna use it."
"Is she the Armenian? Because I can smell 'em, ya know?!"
"Dave Todd is really smart." (-me) "Yeah that's why I said he's got the mind of a philosopher hidden in the body of a bear." (-Aaron) (or just a big scary man (-me)).....
Aaron Edwards is pretty funny, I'm not gonna lie.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
It's been awhile... again....
Well, I tend to forget about this thing pretty frequently. Sorry about that for any of you who actually try and read what's going on in my life. Right now, I'm sitting in the CU library, avoiding homework, as usual. I'm listening to music (Anberlin in fact), updating my blog, and looking to see what book I'm going to be checking out. I have a paper that I have to write for my christian worldview class, it's about how the story of the scripture enlightens my story and how it's helping me to see my role in God's bigger story. It needs to be 2 pages. Makes me think back to Element when Mike talked about us and how we had a part in a much bigger story. I'll probably put something about that in my paper, hope Mike doesn't mind :)...
Anyway in that same class today we had a very interesting discussion. One of my friends, Tiffany (If you could actually pray for her dad and their family, that would be amazing. He was in a horrible motorcycle accident earlier this week. He broke his neck in two places and lost all of his short term memory. I guess he still thinks Tiffany lives at home and that in itself is really hard for Tiff. They don't know if it will ever come back. All that being said...) came up with the question 'Does Eve show free will when she eats the fruit in the garden? Or was that just part of God's plan?' Which leads me to be curious about free will in general.... anybody got any thoughts... :) Love to hear from ya,
Mel
Anyway in that same class today we had a very interesting discussion. One of my friends, Tiffany (If you could actually pray for her dad and their family, that would be amazing. He was in a horrible motorcycle accident earlier this week. He broke his neck in two places and lost all of his short term memory. I guess he still thinks Tiffany lives at home and that in itself is really hard for Tiff. They don't know if it will ever come back. All that being said...) came up with the question 'Does Eve show free will when she eats the fruit in the garden? Or was that just part of God's plan?' Which leads me to be curious about free will in general.... anybody got any thoughts... :) Love to hear from ya,
Mel
Friday, November 10, 2006
So, I'm a jerk and I never update my blog. Sorry about that ya'll. Well life's been rather interesting. Taken quite a few trips home recently. The last of which was because Kitty's mom is really sick. If you're reading this, please pray for her. She's got Cancer, and just had to have surgery to have her gallbladder removed, the reason we're so worried about that is because once cancer hits the air it can spread rather rapidly.
Have to say I'm glad that I did the dorm thing. It's really different. I love my friends from here. They are amazing. Nothing would be the same without them.
Presently watching Divorce Court. I've gotta say, people today really puzzle me. I don't understand why they act so stupid. And the judge says "20 year olds are simple." That we should be "dating around, tryin out different people." Wow really, is that what people think we are supposed to be doing? Interesting.
Dressing up and going out with Sarah tonight, and maybe Alishia. We might be rebels and sneak into see Rachel's play (she's in the Tempest). Anyway. I know this is short and almost pointless, so sorry about that. Gonna try and write more... (I know I keep saying that).
Mel
Have to say I'm glad that I did the dorm thing. It's really different. I love my friends from here. They are amazing. Nothing would be the same without them.
Presently watching Divorce Court. I've gotta say, people today really puzzle me. I don't understand why they act so stupid. And the judge says "20 year olds are simple." That we should be "dating around, tryin out different people." Wow really, is that what people think we are supposed to be doing? Interesting.
Dressing up and going out with Sarah tonight, and maybe Alishia. We might be rebels and sneak into see Rachel's play (she's in the Tempest). Anyway. I know this is short and almost pointless, so sorry about that. Gonna try and write more... (I know I keep saying that).
Mel
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
Deep in thought
I was reading something for class and it just really kinda hit me. I love what it says:
"Two men invest their master's money wisely and are commended for it; another who merely buries his money is condemned as a "wicked, lazy servant" and thrown into outer darkness (Matthew 25:14-30). Jesus' true followers are those whose lives imitate His: they feed the hungry, clothe the naked, offer drink to the thirsty, and visit the prisoner. These faithful ones are invited into the kingdom of the Father."
This leads me to wonder... why do we not live in a way such as this? Why do we avoid the calling God has so bluntly put upon our lives? Why do we just let go of the things that were at the center of Christ's ministry to squabble about petty details that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things? Why do we seem to place the emphasis on the less important things in life, and ignore the things that are so very urgent?
God's really impressed upon my heart the need to step back, yet again, and really re-evaluate things. I feel as though I am continually having to do this, but I know that it is Christ helping me to grow. I have much to learn still, and yet I feel as though God has already shown me so much.
A new way of life, but what does it look like to look like Christ?
"Two men invest their master's money wisely and are commended for it; another who merely buries his money is condemned as a "wicked, lazy servant" and thrown into outer darkness (Matthew 25:14-30). Jesus' true followers are those whose lives imitate His: they feed the hungry, clothe the naked, offer drink to the thirsty, and visit the prisoner. These faithful ones are invited into the kingdom of the Father."
This leads me to wonder... why do we not live in a way such as this? Why do we avoid the calling God has so bluntly put upon our lives? Why do we just let go of the things that were at the center of Christ's ministry to squabble about petty details that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things? Why do we seem to place the emphasis on the less important things in life, and ignore the things that are so very urgent?
God's really impressed upon my heart the need to step back, yet again, and really re-evaluate things. I feel as though I am continually having to do this, but I know that it is Christ helping me to grow. I have much to learn still, and yet I feel as though God has already shown me so much.
A new way of life, but what does it look like to look like Christ?
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