Well I guess this will be the blog entry to tell about myself. I was born and raised here in Wyandotte. A small city on the outskirts of Detroit. My cousin Heather and I grew up inseparable and we are still pretty close. I was the typical good girl until about the 6th grade or so. I started doing drugs when I got to middle school. The whole "wrong crowd" deal. I've had and lost many friends along the way in life. People can be really mean. I ran away from home in the ninth grade. I really was just empty inside. Sometimes I still feel that way. Like running away could take away some of the pain that I feel. I know that it won't, but sometimes it seems like it may. My parents thought it would be a great idea to force me to go to church. I resented them a lot. Not only that, I really didn't even think that God exsisted. I started dating a boy named Jon in 10th grade. I met him at the church we were going to. We made a lot of mistakes. We broke up about a year and a half later. I was still in love with him, but I knew then that he wasn't really who I was supposed to be with. At the end of our relationship I accepted Jesus into my heart. I felt a love from Him that I felt from no one else. It was as if the whole world didn't want to love me and I was completely alone, and there He was. Arms open, begging me to come to Him. I started immediately looking for another church. One that would help me really understand Jesus, who He was, and what He wanted from me. I'm still on that journey. I felt God leading me to a place called New Hope. I really liked the church and the people, but the penticostal deal just wasn't my thing. I then went to a place called Metro South, there I met my best friend Melissa Capra. I met a lot of great people through Real Life (the youth ministry) and Metro and they are still some of my best friends. I also met a lot of people who really influenced my friendship with God in a positive way. Wally, Sarah, Mike, Sherry, Mrs. Taylor, Penny, Sandy, Chelsie, and Suzy just to name a few of them. During the time I was at Metro, Jon and I had an on again off again friendship. We fought a lot. I really thought I still wanted to be with him, that he was the one God had chosen for me. I guess maybe I'll bring the relationship with Jon up to date before I continue with the rest of the story. Him and I became really good friends. He kept telling me he wanted to be with me one minute and then the next minute he said he didn't really mean that. I've spent the last two years living in the hope that maybe one day he would realize that he really did mean it and I would be something more to him then just some chick. I never have though. Over the last month, things with us just kept getting more complicated. He told me that he didn't want a relationship right now but could see us having one in the future. That he wanted to be with me, but didn't want to pursue me right now because we weren't the people God wanted us to be yet. I was alright with that. It still hurt because I wanted to be with him, but it was alright because I believed that it would happen one day. Then just last night, he said that he had met someone for the first time that he really did want to actively pursue. That he never really pursued me, that I'd basically been easy to get with from the start. So what he was saying was that he didn't want to be with me, but he didn't want to come right out and say it either. I feel like he really just led me on. I finally can say that I know he's not the one. There is no maybe anymore. It's really true. It hurts to come to a realization like that, but I'm glad that I could finally do it. Its going to be hard guarding my heart from falling in love with him, but I know that that is what needs to be done. I can't be with him. He's hurt me too much. Well now that the Jon rant is out of the way.... I don't like what Metro has become, nor Real Life. So I'm looking for a new home. A few of us started a Bible study called Purple Like Reggae. We have only had one meeting so far, and we've got to set up a time and day for it, but it is truely a God sent idea. We are going to be reading through the Gospels together and doing service projects like visiting Nursing Homes and volunteering at soup kitchens. I know that I'm not where I need to be in my relationship with God, but I want Him to help me get there. It will take time and lots of work, but I'm willing to do it. I want to show the world that Jesus isn't some guy trying to condemn you to burn in Hell, but a man who loves you and wants to be a part of your life. He wants to show that love to others through me, and I want to let Him. Well, that's all for now... I have to get up and get ready for a wedding tomorrow, so I'm gonna hit the hay...
Spearmint
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