Alcohol

I did a drinking survey on myspace today and it kind of caused a little upset with one of my myspace friends who knew me a while ago when I was a leader at Real Life. I think that his words came out of both ignorance and concern and that he didn't mean to be hurtful or condemning, but it definitely came across that way. I pray that God would help me to not take things so personally and to be able to stand up for His Truth without letting my selfish feelings get in the way. Below is my response to one of his msgs.



"Jesus wants to redeem alcohol just like he wants to redeem everything. Alcohol is just as okay as food, but gluttony is just as wrong as drunkenness. It's important to understand that difference and let Christ redeem and restore all things, from alcohol to food to the environment, to the way we treat each other, to everything else on this earth. The world is being redeemed (as are we), the Kingdom is at hand and I am praying to continue to be in God's will as I live that out as best revealed to me. I understand that you've seen things happen to people when they drink, but the problem is why they drink and that they don't understand the meaning of moderation. I pray I AM an influence to the kids I have poured my life into, I pray they look to me as an example and I will continue to use alcohol in a responsible way, as an adult, living in compliance with the law (I am above the legal drinking age, and after become a Christian I did not drink until I was legal). I know that there have been instances where I have not made the best choices, but that is with anything, as we are human and have a sin nature, but I have asked for the forgiveness of our Lord and He has graciously given it to me and restored me back to Him. I love Jesus and I pray that He continues to Redeem me and continues to change me into who He has for me to be."



I pray that I would truly die to myself and let Jesus live out the things in me that I so desperately believe . The words that I wrote are truly how I feel about EVERYTHING, not just drinking. I pray that God would truly take hold of me and that not that those "changes would take place" but that I would be completely reborn. I love You Jesus, and I thank You for showing me how to accept Your Grace and Forgiveness.



Melissa

Beauty

I'm just in a very reflective state right now I suppose. But I just wanted to post some really beautiful photos, God is amazing.


















God is amazing. His creation continues to leave me in awe and filled with wonder.

How it feels

This song really is just where I've been with the Lord. It just really discribes the way I've been acting and what He's been saying to me. Just reading these lyrics over they bring tears to my eyes. I love you Jesus and I'm sorry.






I've been calling and calling for you
But you answer and I shut my mouth
I've been searching and searching for you
But myself I don't want to be found

You say I am
You say let go
You say Believe... But its not that easy for me
You say wait
You say right now
Don't you see you're already one foot in the ground
you say...

I've been wicked and wild and wrong and i've wondered the price of my shame.
I've been hiding my face for so long, it's a wonder that you know my name..

You say come home
You say I'm here
You say there are some things you just can't control
You say let me
You say Believe
Why do you seach for the answers you already know
You say...

I am the way and the light and the Truth
Don't be misled by the flight of your youth
Faith in the things you can't see to believe
What if you had faith in me...

You say rest here, this is your home
Don't you see that you knew I was here all along
You say...

Thoughts from a book.

Something worth trying...
1. Take a walk. Find a wide, open place. Look at the sky and turn to scan the entire horizon. Say out loud, "The Creator is big." Ask Him to speak to you about how big and spend a few moments considering the thoughts that enter your mind.

2. Find a tree. Hold a leaf in your hand. Look at the intricacies of the leaf. Consider the greater intricacy of your own hand. Consider the priority of the heavenly artist. What did He spend the most time on? What does this say about him? What does this say about you?

3. Take a walk. Find a spot where no one is looking. Jump up and down. Consider the sound your stomping makes, the way your feet feel, the thoughtless but trustworthy nature of gravity, and the way your breathing speeds up to handle the fun. Ask the Creator, "Did You have fun putting all this together?" Consider your thoughts.

4. Get on the web and search for natural disasters. Find some photos of a catastrophe. Say out loud, "If Nature is God, then who needs Her?" Shake your fist. Now ask the Power behind the natural, "Why do these things happen?" Spend a few minutes considering what His heart is saying to yours.

5. Look around your immediate world. How many colors do you see? How many colors are there in the world you can't see right now? It's too much to think about really. Consider the endless colors that must be present in the Great Artist (Earlier in this section the book pointed out that everything in creation came from within God), and the endless ways He sees to use them. Try to give Him credit for being so expressive.

6. Plan a private viewing of a sunrise or a sunset. Watch for something unique. In a very normal, personal way give the Great Artist a running commentary on what you love about the moment. Be sure to offer specific compliments and not appreciation for the fine details of the event. Feel free to go on and on.

7. Remember your favorite pet. Or remember your favorite encounter with an animal. Fond memories? Why did the Creator make so many animals? What does the complexity of the animal kingdom reveal about Him? Consider your love for certain animals and your fear of others. Ask Him to show you the meaning of the differences.

I hated this book until the last few chapters I've been reading. It was so boring to me at first, and then all of a sudden, it caught me by surprise and became really romantic and absolutely beautiful. Its been making me think and that's such a great feeling. Thanks for readin folks!

Mel

Where are they now?

So I should be reading for Theology class right now, but I noticed that I haven't updated my blog in 2 months. TONS of things have changed. I have a new truck, I got my eyebrow peirced, I'm up to my ears in bills (before they just came up to my neck), Brynne and Adam got married, Sarah and Grant got married, Mel and Dave are offically engaged (and I'm a bridesmaid!), Jack and Lisa are engaged, Kitty got a man, Rach got a job, Danielle's in labor right now, and life is just as crazy as always.

God is teaching me and molding me into who He has meant for me to be. I'm learning, and changing and becoming a whole different person. I'm reading a book called Spiritual Authority by a guy named Watchman Nee. I have pages and pages of notes on the book (totaling about 12 so far), there are so many things in it that are just really mind blowing. I have always had a struggle as to why God made me a woman. I want none of what I'm about to say to sound conceded because if ya'll know me, you'll know I'm not like that. But God seriously gave me a brain and I like to use it. Now what I'm about to say I also don't want to sound demeaning in any way, such as a woman can't have a mind or be smart, so read this with that in mind. I believe that God has made me a woman to give Him glory. I think that in me, learning to be submissive (NOT STUPID, but submissive) that that will give Him glory. It's a whole new way that I'm looking at being a woman. It's actually pretty beautiful. Even over the last few days, God has really been changing my opinions on things. It's been a rough, but wonderful experience.


Not everything has been so great, my nephew ran away from home. It's been hard on my family, and it's been really difficult for me. He really opened up to me and shared a lot with me. I don't think I've made the best decisions with the information that he's given me, and I don't think I've been there for him enough over the last week and a half. I'm in a really odd place with it all. And not to mention, really busy and haven't spent any time with him over the last week, which is entirely my own fault and I should really do it. I think I put it off because I know that I have a lot of responsibility after our next talk as to what to do, and I don't really want to shoulder it, but really I need to man up and just do it. Pray that God will help me with all of this... or basically that He would just do it, because I can't.

Work's good, money still sucks a bunch... I'm still like hard core swamped in bills and barely making it through. I really need better money management skills, because at this point I'm going crazy. My new truck sure is dang beautiful though :) !!! My mother got the internet cut off at our house, otherwise I'd show you some pictures, but as it is I can't... I only suggest you call me and plan to hang out with me so that you can see it :-D.....

Well I think thats enough putting off reading for now, I better get to it, only 4 more hours to finish this book and I'm at work (yesterday when I was trying to read at work I got through a whole 12 PAGES! lol).

Everyone be praying for Danielle! (They're currently inducing her into labor as we speak.)
Everyone be praying for Mel and Dave, and Jack and Lisa, and Ange and Joe, and Holly and Steve, cuz they're ALL gettin married!!



Love you guys,

Mel

People to Pray for

This is a post about people I know that are really in need of prayer right now.... please pray for them if you would. Thanks!!!

Melissa Capra. Her and her family recently had to put Cocoa down and I know she was like a part of their family. Please pray for them.

Jonathan. Like I said in my last blog, he's leaving on Saturday for Kentucky for 2 weeks, so please pray that God would keep them safe.

Brynne and Adam. They are getting married in less than a month. Though I wasn't originally sure if they should get married, I feel like my opinion has done a 180. I think they have grown so much and they are absolutely amazing. Please pray for God to bless their new life together.

Kathy. I know she's had an incredibly heavy workload lately and that's gotta be kind of stressful for her and Rach because I know that Rach misses her because she doesn't really get to see her that often. So please pray for her.

My college roommate Sarah. She is also getting married this month and then moving to California. That's such a major change for her, but I know that her and Grant (who is a Marine), are deeply in love and that she has been waiting for this for a long time.

Aaron and Danielle. As most of you know they are expecting a baby, pray for them and this Huge transition from newlyweds to parents :).

And Me. Yesterday really took a toll on me. It was an extreme day, there was no in between. It was either something absolutely amazing was happening or it was something absolutely horrible.




Thanks everyone. All of your prayers for my friends are much apprecitated. :)

Love,
Mel

The Rich Man, The Movie Star and Me.

I have never learned the significance of trust before. I never realized it's implications. I am not working anywhere right now as all of you guys know and life's been pretty hard for me the last couple of months. Gas is $3.25/gallon and that makes looking for work and even getting to stuff like Mike's on Sunday a struggle.

On Friday of last week I went out to get the mail and I saw a letter from my bank. I opened it and I seriously thought I was going to faint. An $80 overdraw fee. I didn't even want to think about how I would pay it. My dad came home and offered to pay it for me, but I told him no. We are by no means a well off family. My parents struggle every month. I started praying and I sent a text message to a close friend that said, pray for me and trust that God will take care of me. And for once in my life I really honestly believed that. I had absolutely nothing else to trust in. I think I finally understood what Jesus meant when He said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven. I always thought that sounded kind of mean. But really, what would make a rich man think he needed Jesus? He has every earthly thing he could want and if he doesn't have it, he can buy it himself. It's hard for him to understand trust because he doesn't see that he has a need. So after just sitting and praying for about 30 minutes, I called the bank. They said that it was a charge from a Blockbuster account I thought I had closed in March. They said if Blockbuster would credit the charge they would take off all of the overage fees and my account would be in the positive. I called Blockbuster and they said they'd credit the money back and give me a month free of the service. God truly took care of me.


In other news...

I met Chloe O'Brian AND I was on the 10 o'clock news last night :). Kat, Jon, and I went to Trenton's city counsel meeting and the mayor really "took care of us". It was great. We were front row for the entire thing. She is so sweet and so down to earth. She thought we were just crazy to have been there since 5 o'clock (we were even deemed the 5 o'clockers). It was such a great experience! And not to mention just a wonderful day with friends.

I have been incredibly blessed by God these past two weeks. He has shown me so much and truly revealed Himself in so many new ways that I am in awe and am just finding Him to be more and more beautiful each and every day.

AND to top it all off, today I received a phone call and I have an INTERVIEW on Thursday :)!!!

God is so amazing. This week is so AWESOME and is just going to get better. We're starting the One Year Bible study tonight and Angela is coming! I'm really glad :). And tomorrow I get my brand new PURPLE PHONE compliments of Kitty McKat :). And then Thursday I have the interview and "Not Bible study" And Saturday is Danielle's baby shower and Sarah's grad party. What a wonderful week full of blessings, great fun, and great friends.

On a different and yet the same note....

Please pray for Jonathan. He's going to Kentucky for two weeks (I'm slightly jealous) with his family and just pray God keeps him safe and that he has a wonderful time :).


Well that's all for now. I'm off to start enjoying this wonderful week. Love you all!!!


Mel

Memories vrs the Present

Have you ever just been sitting around and heard a song that really took you back and time and made you really reflect on things. That is me today. It had nothing to do with the words, and everything to do with a time in my life that was so much different then it is now. There are a few songs that really do that to me. I have to Praise God for so many wonderful memories because my life is really full of them. Then I kick myself for other memories, the ones that have been created out of my humanity and past mistakes. Those are the ones I look back on and cry over. I know that I can't change them, but I'm trying to get a grip on the fact that those mistakes don't make me who I am. That's something I've never understood before. I was sitting around thinking and I started telling myself that those mistakes have helped make me into the person I am today, but that's not true. I realized that God is the one making me into the person I am today. It really has nothing to do with me or my screw ups. I mean I still mess stuff up and I am by no means perfect, but I am in the Image of Christ and He lives in me. The person who makes all the wrong choices is giving up her life because she has seen the Glory of The Most High King. He has chosen to reveal himself to me and I can't run from it.

I have been so down these last few weeks, and when I'd cheer up or realize I was being silly, something else would happen and I would return to being depressed again. I pray for God to deliver me from that. I am so blessed by Him, and I pray He would help me to continue to remember that.


Mel

As promised...

So I've managed to get a little down time (I have been goofing off for the last hour or so by the way), I'm not reading like I should be so I figure I'll update my blog.



First off...

As a group of us sat in a basement and talked about truth being revealed, God gave me a revelation. I know it sounds kind of silly, but I have always had a horrible struggle as a Christian because I could never figure out how to change myself. I feel guilty because I don't read my Bible and pray. I can go on these kicks like "okay this time it's for sure, I'm gonna read my Bible and pray EVERY day. I'm going to really do it this time." And I do, for about 3 days. Then I just run out of time and get busy with other stuff and get really mad at myself for not sticking to it.
Sunday we talked about Application vrs. Implication. Application being that actions would equal change in us (ie. if we were to pray every morning then one day we would become the kind of person who wants to pray) and Implication being change in us equals action (ie. God reveals to us the importance of communication with him through prayer and because of that truth being made known to us, we set aside time every day to pray because God has shown us what prayer means). I've never gotten it. I've honestly struggled with it for a really long time and I have pages in my journal about just that subject. I will promise God that it will be different each time and then apologize every time that I screw it up, when in reality, that's all we can do without Him. I have never known another way to do it though, you know? But when God revealed to me that it's Him that does it, finally, it just clicked. "
The full reality of the truth of Jesus Christ is in me." When Mike made the comment about the softball team, it really just got me. (Sorry if I butcher this quote Mike) "There is no such thing as a Christian softball team. If you are on it, then Christ is on the team because we have died and Christ lives in us. We represent Christ where ever we are." Wow. Like when I go to the store, that's Christ going to the store, you know? I don't know if that makes much sense, but I die to myself and Christ lives through me?! This statement really changes things for me. People see the way I do things and they can either see Christ or they can see me. It sucks that a lot of the time I screw that up and I make people see me instead of Him, but the thought that they do see Him? Wow, it blows me away.
Some other things that Mike said that really go me were "What truth has God revealed to you? How have you responded to that truth? And if this is the truth, how does that change the way we live?" I have been seriously working through these questions and trying to answer them with raw honesty. I think it has really made me learn a lot and it's been weighing very heavily on my heart and mind. It's really changing me.



Secondly...

I talked to Hilary on Sunday after church for quite a while. It was a really awesome conversation. Let me start off by telling you that she is just a really awesome person. I mean most of you who read this blog know her, but if you haven't really had a good conversation with her, you should. She is an amazing person with a lot of insight :). I feel so incredibly blessed to have her, Ryan, Meagan, and Andy here with us at Make New. They are all so wonderful. So anyway, our conversation consisted of talk of parents, the future, worth, value, and "backwards planning". She really said a lot of things that made me think and gave me some wonderful ideas and insight (as she seemingly has a lot of that to offer :). I really felt a lot better about stuff and I walked away from our conversation with my head a little clearer. I really am glad we have such an amazing family at Make New. I love all of you so much.



Third...

I just wanted to give praise to God. He has truly taken care of me this week. He has provided for me and even did extra stuff that really made me feel wonderful. Not only am I going to be able to pay my bill that is due on the 15th, but he has provided me with a dress to wear to my cousin's wedding that will only cost me $5! I mean I know that probably sounds stupid and girly to most of you, but it was such a blessing to me. My friend is giving me a gift card for Christmas (I know it's May, but we're a weird bunch :)! And it's $25, and it just so happens that JC Penney (where the gift card is for) is having a 50% sale on their dresses! And I went yesterday and found two different ones that looked beautiful! (I won't be able to pick them up until Saturday and so I wanted to find 2 in case one was sold out). But I have 4 weddings to go to this summer and I honestly didn't have any dresses to wear. God is so amazing.



Finally...

Just wanted to give a shout out to some of the people who really made my week:

Kitty- I'm so glad I have you around, you're such an awesome friend and I love you so much!
Jon aka J-dogg - Thanks for being there when I need you. You're an awesome friend and that myspace message still stands.
JT and DT- I am sorry that Dave didn't get the jobs out of state... sort of. I would miss you guys so much and I am SO glad you're sticking around.
The Edwards Children- You are seriously four of the sweetest, most awesome kids ever!
Mike and Sherry- God uses the two of you to bless people more than you know.
Jackie- I'm so glad we get to hang out now. I love getting to see you and I'm so glad things are working out so well for you.
Sara D- I wish you knew how much seeing and hearing from you brightened up my day. You are truly one of the best people I know.
Ryan and Hillary- You both are so stinkin awesome. I'm glad you moved here.
Kathy and Rachel- What the heck would I do without you two?!?

That's all for now,
Love all of ya!


Meliss

Hey everyone

I've been running around getting some stuff done, but there is a post coming! Just for a preview it has to do with what we talked about Sunday (application vrs. implication) and a deep conversation I had with a good friend about where my life was going and what I was going to do about it. So hopefully I'll get that done for ya today. And please pray for Kitty. I love her very much and she is really sad about some things with her family right now. It's hard to see your best friends hurting, but I trust God to bring her through this.

Love you guys.

Melissa

Encouragment when I need it the most

Kathy: i am praying for you every day for a job

me: Thanks

Kathy: will keep my ears peeled

me: I'm getting super depressed about not having one and no one seems to want to hire me. I'm sure it will be fine though

Kathy: your job is out there...
God has it already planned

me: Thanks Kathy

Kathy: we will continue to pray and seek Him for the direction to find it!

On a Kick

Every once in a while I go a little nuts and get on a kick of trying to get my life together. Seems silly I know. I just so happen to be on one of those kicks now. I am seriously searching for a full time job so I can move out of my parents house into my own place and get a car that's a bit... well, more reliable than the one I drive now. I am also having the WORST time trying to pick a major and stick with it. Though the more research I do on Sociology, the more I fall in love with it. I now just have to pick a minor to really stick with. And to be quite honest, I'm thinking about double-majoring in Poli-Sci and going to law school. I know it sounds crazy, but it's something I've always really wanted to do. Not for the money, but as something I actually really like and that I'm pretty good at. I've always dreamed to be "one of the good guys" you know? I would love to use it to help with the international stuff I want to do later in life. I am really passionate about India. Like I know it's something that everyone hears from me once in a while, but it's not something that ever really leaves my mind. I really feel called by God to be there for some reason. The culture, the people, I just feel so drawn to it. I know I kept talking about how I wanted to go there next year, but with much prayer and thought, I feel God leading me to something more. I need to graduate from college first, so it may very well be 10 years before I get there, but I know I'm going. It feels good to be able to say I know where God wants me, even if I don't know how or when I am going to get there or even what I am going to do once I do get there. I am thinking of going to Wayne state in the fall, that is if I can get everything in my life in order by then. My goal is to move out of my house and have a new car by my birthday. That gives me 4 months to be settled. I want to pay off all my credit cards and start saving money. If ANYONE knows of a full time office job that I could apply for, please let me know. I have tons of customer service experience (you tend to get that way when you are a receptionist at a busy tax office because every one wants to yell at you :) and I love doing it :). I dunno. I just feel like I really need to get things in motion. I feel really driven. I hope this lasts.

In other news...
Just want to let everyone know that the moment you say you don't want a boyfriend EVERY GUY in the FREE WORLD hits on you. Seriously I decided that I don't want to date at all for a while (because like I said, I am trying to get my life and everything in it in order). But honestly, I have never been hit on so much in my life. Sitting down and really thinking about all the things I have going on, I realized that I just don't have time for a serious relationship in my life right now, and once I said okay, I'm not available, EVERYONE has been hitting on me. It's ridiculous.

Two of my classes are over for the semester!! YAY! After this last tuesday class this week no more school until the fall! Woo-Hoo! It is such a wonderful, welcomed break. Working 50 hours a week and going to school full time was CRAZY! I'm so glad it's done with. Hopefully this will be my last week not working and it'll just be like a vacation. I have 4 books I'd like to read and a season of 24 to finish.

I hear Ryan is starting up Theology class soon. I can't wait for that. Class I will really actually enjoy :) I love learning when it's things that I'm actually interested in. Well I have printed out a bunch of papers on classes and curriculum sheets I want to read and I'm gonna watch 24 for a little bit before I head off to Jon's for the Wrestling Pay-per-view at 8.

Love you guys! And thanks for reading :)

Mel

Catchin up

There are so many people in my life I'm thankful for. I am so blessed by God to have such good friends. People who are literally irreplaceable. I am so dumb sometimes and I seriously take them for granted. People who I don't see that often that when we do hang out or talk everything just picks right back up like we saw each other yesterday. There are people who genuinely care about me and when I sit and realize that it's such an amazing feeling. And I have so many people in my life that I sincerely look up to. I sat around a table with 3 women that I look up to probably more than anyone a couple of weeks ago after church and I listened to them talk about things that they struggle with in life and I was just so encouraged. They are going through so much, all of them are at such difficult times in life with everything that is going on and they just sat there and talked about how much they trusted God. What amazing women. All I could do is listen and think that I wish I could be like them. They KNOW that God is going to take care of them and their families no matter what. I can barely cope with the things I'm going through and they just seem so minuscule compared to what they are dealing with. And it was so awesome to watch them all comfort each other. Being there was truly a gift from God.

On a different note, tax season is over in 2 weeks and I will be jobless and broke again. If anyone knows of a receptionist or office job that they'd let me know about I'd REALLY appreciate it. I need to find one ASAP. Being broke is never something enjoyable.

In other news... God is amazing. Seriously thanks for praying for me for my test. It was so great. I was the second person finished and I'm confident I got at least a B if not better. It was great. I really thought I was going to bomb it. I worked my ass off for like 3 days and for some unknown reason I seemed to have retained all of the information that I looked at. It was totally God. I picked John Piper's Desiring God up again and I've been reading that (which is amazing because I haven't been able to read anything since tax season started). Such a great book. I really want to start Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller, but I'm not sure if I'll have time to read two books right now. I'm probably gonna try though ;). I went to the movies and FINALLY saw 300 yesterday. Dave Todd was right. It was AMAZING! One of the best movies I've seen in a LONG time. I talked about it for hours after it was over. Everyone would switch topics and then out of no where I'd be like "But OH MY GOSH that movie was SOOO AMAZING!" And it was great hanging out with Craigory. That guy is the best. Really. He was teaching me to Salsa dance in Meijer. I'm so glad we're friends.

EXCITING NEWS... I have 3 weddings to go to this summer. I'm pretty stinkin' excited I'm not gonna lie. I just found out my cousin is getting married to his girlfriend in May. And then Brynne and Adam are getting married June 19th. And MY SARAH is getting married June 30th! I can't wait for their weddings! They're going to be amazing :). Those are going to be some beautiful brides ladies and gentlemen! So I'm going shopping on Saturday for new clothes and accessories! :) I can't wait!


Well that's all for now. :) HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

A list or two....

Things I really need....

A New Car
An apartment
Good Credit so I can get the two things listed above
A new perspective
A vacation


Things I really want...

A toy tiger (a kitty!)
Curious George the movie on DVD
A Razor
An Itunes music card
More time


Just sayin...

First update in a while

Hey Blog Family,

It's been a little over two months since my last blog. I've been so stinkin' busy I haven't really had much time to sit down and write, and since I'm sitting here chilaxin' (lol) I figured I'd do it now. I've been working about 50 hours a week and today is my first real day off in about a month. I'm also going to school full time right now, which is a little more than hectic, but I love it. I'm going to be starting a theology class with some people from The Journey soon too. I'm pretty excited about it. Pastor Ryan's going to be 'facilitating' it and he's pretty much one of the coolest people ever. I'm also really excited that the youth mentorship program in Taylor is going to be starting up soon. That'll be on Thursdays and it's gonna be really awesome. We have Bible Studies at Starbux on Thursday nights at 7pm. Those are some amazing times with some great people. So anyway for my first weekend off I decided to get away from the downriver and I'm out here at CU visiting my friends in Grand Rapids. It's weird to be sitting in my old dorm, with Rach and Sarah (who actually aren't here right now), realizing how much I miss it here. Honestly I sit sometimes and wonder if I made the right decision. Well I'm swamped with homework (Ha! Some day of relaxing huh?) and if me and my ladies are going anywhere tonight I gotta get that done and shower, so I'm gonna get off of this computer and "get-r-done" (probably funnier for those of us who were a part of that conversation last night)..... later guys!!!


Melissa



(P.S.) I ask for all those who read my blog to pray for me. I am going through some stuff right now and I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it, not even my closest friends. I feel really disconnected to everyone and I don't even feel able to open up my heart to them about the stuff that has been going on. So all I ask is that you pray for me if you could. Thanks, I appreciate it.