Christ in me

I'm feeling things inside that I've never dared feel before. God has been shaping me into this woman He created, giving me passion and conviction in ways and in areas I've never felt before. He's leading me in directions to places I'd have never thought to travel towards and ways I'd never go to get there if it were up to me.

I WANNA BE LIKE MY JESUS! I have never before so strongly felt the importance of doing more than just living a life that was to "not be sinful" as I was brought up believing that that was the way to be a Christian... trying to be perfect. Don't steal, don't lie, don't lust, don't don't don't. To really look at what we're told, to break down what God says to us... what it really says is do do do. Do feed the hungry, do clothe the naked, to care for the broken, do care for the poor. God doesn't ask us to sit idly by and watch the world, His creation, crumble and not do a damn thing about it. He calls us to take action, to fight for Him, to care for the world He has made. God is moving in me in RADICAL WAYS and I can barely grasp tomorrow. This isn't the life I'd have chosen, but it is more amazing than anything I would have ever picked. Growing up in America, the things that are ingrained in us as important, really are the things that matter the least. Even now, sitting here, I am so broken inside and my heart is aching for the things I know I need to be doing, the things He has called me to do, that He has called you to do. I can't sit here and just say that I think these things are important. I signed up to volunteer at a homeless shelter today. I am scared, but anxious to see what God is doing there. I will definitely be blogging on it (hopefully I can be more consistent in my blogging :) and all that I get to watch God do. Pray for these people and pray for me for all that I am going through and what God is doing in me. I am putting song lyrics on this blog that have really been hitting me hard today.... pray they keep hitting me, so much that I have to let God use me, that I have to step aside and give my life up for Him, because that is what I truly desire.


In His Hands,

Mel Spears



Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
or fall down and worship at His holy feet
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd

And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus

You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?I want to be like my Jesus


If you want to listen to this, it's my myspace song... It's called My Jesus and it's by Todd Agnew

You know that you are not alone

I was having a very rough night. It was like everything that has been going on inside and outside of my life had finally caught up with me and I felt like I was having an emotional breakdown, which came to it's breaking point when I got into a huge fight with my mom. God made Himself known to me so clearly that I just had to write it here. I cried out to Him, harder than I possibly ever had in my life. I needed to feel like everything was going to be okay. Things just seemed like they were piling up on top of my chest and that I couldn't breathe. I've felt that way for a little while now, but tonight it all caught up to me.... It felt like there was no where to go, nothing that would fix everything that was wrong and I just knew I couldn't handle it. I begged for God's peace and His comfort. I felt so alone and like there wasn't a person I could talk to in the world. I knew no one's words would make me feel any better. And I didn't know what to do. All I could do was cry out in a whisper through all of the pain that I was feeling. And all of a sudden, His answer came upon me like a sudden rain.

"I will provide everything that you need and take from you everything that you don't. Trust me."

Wow. I have literally never felt such peace. It didn't make all the problems go away, it just gave me a different perspective. God will take care of everything. I really trust Him. I just really feel an overwhelming sense of peace. God has really taken care of me in the past and I just tend to block that out when I'm going through something new or a lot of things at once. But I am His daughter and He loves me very much. I know that everything is going to happen according to God's ultimate plan and I think that I've finally grasped that and it's a beautiful thing. :)


Mel

A quick update...

Sorry for all those people who actually read my blog who think I fell off the face of the earth... I'm around, just super busy ALL THE TIME!!! No excuses yesterday though, I just sat around, but it was nice. Please pray for my dad. He found out this week that he is blind in one eye, he has to have surgery and he might lose his job and his licence. He's super depressed and it's so sad. I started classes this past week. It's really a lot more work than I anticipated it to be, but it's still so awesome. I have missed this. New Ideas, new people, professors who know so much. It's awesome. I love dorm life... I like dorm food less, but you gotta give some to get some right? :) I miss my friends and family from home. But I've met tons of people here. My roommate is just amazing. For my birthday (which was Thursday), she decorated our dorm with purple balloons and streamers and got me purple fuzzy socks and made me one of her homemade pillows (it was purple too) and then Jessica came over yesterday and brought me more purple balloons and a Royal Purple (that's my favorite shade of it) cake that she ordered that said "Happy Birthday Mel" on it. She is litterally one of my favorite people in the world. She's an awesome friend and I'm so glad that I met her. I just wanted to get a quick update down bc I haven't updated in FOREVER and now I'm off to MARS HILL :). Write more later!




Mel