And it moves on...

So I went to Aaron and Danielle's wedding this weekend. Daniella was beautiful of course. And I'll quote my best friend in saying that you could see the love between them when they walked into a room. It was fun and I loved hanging out with my friends. It was also really depressing. At points I was crying. Some reasons I don't want to write about, but I just feel like I'll end up alone. After the wedding, I went to drop Jon off at his car which was at Melissa's house. He got in his car and I just waited for him to leave. He wouldn't. He said I had to leave first. I just wanted to sit alone and cry. He wouldn't let me. I finally was like "Okay, I'm going", and I drove away. I was supposed to be going to Shane's house, so I turned the corner and then just turned into a gas station. I should have used the other entrance, because as I turned my car off he pulled up beside me. He got in my car and we talked for quite a while, actually I talked... and cried. It was cool to be able to sit with someone and just let things out. I was really honest and open and just let go. And I know if you are reading this and you know me, you probably think that it's about a "me and him". No, not really. It was about a "me and anyone". It was the past, it was the future, it was the now. It was my fears, it was my faults, it was my pain. After I said everything I could, all he could suggest was that I talk to someone about it (not in a mean way of course). He was really sweet that night. I wish he could be like that more often. There are rare times when I feel as though I'm not a bother to my friends. I always feel like I am such a burden to all those around me, my parents just happen to be the only ones who say it on a regular basis. There are times when friends say it, sometimes using words, other times with their actions. It's hard to swallow. People are busy, I know this. I just feel so alone. I guess leaving will be good. It will get me out of everyone's hair. I told Jon that last night, that me leaving would be good because then we wouldn't get to hang out anymore and he said that he couldn't lie, he agreed. Yeah, it's the things like that that hurt. After comments like "You have been hurt so much by people in the past", why not hurt me more? Logical isn't it. Whatever. Sorry that was a few seconds worth of rant. I apologize, I've got myself all worked up and crying. And I gotta go to work, silly me. Well I am moving. In a month an a half. 45 days to be exact. I'm a mix of emotions: sad, happy, excited, and all that jazz. I will put one more thing in this blog before I go... busy day today with work and such. Josh Tanner is literally one of the coolest people ever. We sat and talked the other night and it was really fun. To be honest I was telling Jon last night that that was one of the funnest times I've had hanging out with people in a long time, he literally made me feel like he wanted to hang out with me. Not something I get too much from too many people anymore. But we just talked and joked for hours. He is one quality guy. To any single ladies out there... I'm now taking apps for the position of JT's girl friend. Let me know if you are interested in dating a 23 year old single Christian guy who's a "Sexy man beast"... lol. Seriously, he's the best. Lol. Anyway. I'm off to work...


Spears