Love and Lust and other stuff

"Lust means 'I must have it at once, and I don't care what the consequences are.'* It may be a low, animal lust, or it may be a mental lust, or a moral or spiritual lust; but it is a characteristic that does not belong to the life hid with Christ in God. Love is the opposite; love can wait endlessly."--Oswald Chambers.

Last night I was sitting around and wondering what was the difference between love and lust. I was thinking about love and forgiveness and why sometimes it's just so hard to show those things. I was wondering if I needed to really do what it is I thought I must do. I was going to just update my blog without checking everyones cuz I've got a lot to do today, but then I thought, you know I'll just check to see if anyone else has updated. I found this quote on Momma Kathy's blog and it really answers my questions. I think my favorite line is what it says about love. 'Love is the opposite; love can wait endlessly." In our fast-food society, where we are so impatient we wait for nothing, this thought is just mind blowing. Love can wait forever. It makes me question myself. Can I really wait forever? Can I love that way? I'm going through a couple of situations where this applies. I guess I could talk about them....

The first one has to do with my brother... him and I used to be so incredibly close. He was my big brother, I looked up to him SO much... and then he got married.His wife couldn't stand me. She was so mean and just found things everyday to hurt my feelings. Then... they got a divorce. I know as mean as it sounds... I was so happy. During the time that they were married, my brother wasn't aloud to spend time with me and so I never really saw him anymore. They divorced and BAM! I got my big brother back. We had so many good times together after that. We had that big bro/kid sister relationship that every little girl wants. At that time, I knew he loved me. I knew he thought the world of his little sister. Then, when I started forth grade, the most wonderful thing happened. We got to see his son for the first time since the divorce. We met them at the mall. Yeah, he even took me with him to meet Josh. The last, best memory I have with my brother was on the way to the mall. We were in his truck and we were listening to Alanis Morresette (Like usual) and he said "I'm so nervous. What if he doesn't like me?" And I looked over at him and I thought to myself: Not like you? Who could not like you? You are the most awesome brother ever and you're so cool! So I told him "Don't worry bubby, that's not possible" And I meant every word. I looked back into the sideview mirror and just remember being so happy to be there. Then, later that same year something else happened... My brother came to pick me up from school one day. We were walking across the street to his truck and he said "Melissa you know I love you right?" And I said "Oh crap. What did you do?" He was acting really strange. We walked into the house and him and I both went into mom's bedroom where she was folding clothes. "Mom. Melissa. I went to the justice of the peace today and Angela and I got married." That's the last real memory I have of my brother. We haven't gotten along since. Now six more children (yeah you read right, he's got 7 kids) and 10 years later, we barely know more about the other than our names. I've tried so many times to make ammends for the things I've done wrong (I know it's not only him), I've asked him to come out to dinner with me, just to go to a movie or get coffee. He's told me no every time. He's said "I've got a family now and I don't have time for you" he's said he doesn't want to fix things with us. He says he just doesn't want to. Writing these things is just breaking my heart. It's the hardest thing for the little sister inside of me to really believe. I want to believe that my brother really does care about me. I've cried to him and told him that I just want to be his friend and he's shown no emotion and told me that it really wasn't possible. So I guess that brings us to why this has to do with Love and Forgiveness. God impressed it upon my heart that I can't just be done like I want to be. He said to me that I must continue to show love to my brother, that I must push past whatever it is that he's done to me and I must humbly show my love for him. I must continue to try to fix things, even if there's never any result. If it means for the rest of my life I'm calling him and saying, lets go out to dinner and catch up and he always says no... I need to just continue to do it. That also means... I need to tell Angel I love her, and I need to mean it. This has nothing to do with me, believe me, but it is CHRIST in me. HE will love these people through me, despite me, because HE is amazing and full of grace. I give HIM the glory and I do nothing of my own accord, because if I had anything to do with anything in my life (as shown) I'd screw it up. Please just pray for me, pray I will continually step aside and let Christ do a work IN and THROUGH me. Pray that I can let God do this, because they are here now and I am just sitting in my room, avoiding it. Just pray for me please.

The other thing I'm struggling with is being single. I know that is selfish and I must trust God and His timing. I want to live with a love like this:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8~Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever.

I want that to be the love I have in my heart. Please just keep me in your prayers. Lifes a struggle, for sure. But I feel God take things from me everyday. He takes away parts of me that are selfish and sinful and replaces them with parts that are who He has made me to be. He's forming me into the woman I am meant to be.

Another thing that I find really awesome....

Isaiah 62:2~The nations will see your righteousness. Kings will be blinded by your glory. And the LORD will give you a new name. The LORD will hold you in his hands for all to see--a splendid crown in the hands of God.Never again will you be called the Godforsaken City or the Desolate Land. Your new name will be the City of God's Delight and the Bride of God,for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as his own. Your children will care for you with joy, O Jerusalem, just as a young man cares for his bride. Then God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.

Just wanted to share that. I think it's so awesome. Well now that I've written more than anyone will probably read... I'm off to do a bunch of stuff...

Spears